Incase You Were Wondering
by Schyzotypal X
Summary: In which Gin and Rangiku get into an argument over the relationship they 'never had'...maybe... -oneshot-GinRangiku


So I finally got off my ass and wrote a semi-companion to By The Gods and a little bit of Finding Narnia, using another of my favorite pairings. GinRangiku.

Of course, there's only actual romance if you squint really really really hard at the paper and put an entirely different story over it, so it's not so much a pairing as an argument between _really_ good buddies.

But anyway, on with the story.

Enjoy.

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**Incase You Were Wondering **

Gin Ichimaru stares closed-eyed towards Rangiku Matsumoto with some trepidation.

She's standing in _that_ pose, weight shifted, leg out, hands on hips, her face the picture of pissed.

"Ran so nice ta see ya-"

He's cut off by her finger, waggling whip fast in his face. "Don't you 'Ran' me you little white haired abandoning asshole!"

He's nearly bowled over by the scent of alcohol on her breath. Gin's smile falters, if only for a second.

"Rangiku, what are you taking abou-

"Where the fuck have you been!" She yells, apoplectic.

Gin almost frowns, almost being the understatement of the century, because for Gin Ichimaru, a frown is more like a slightly lesser smile.

"What are ya blabbering on abou' now Ran?"

"You heard me!," She says ,"Where the fuck have you been? I haven't seen you in fucking ages! And then you just turn up and expect it to be all G!? I think not Gin!"

"Rangiku, what the fuck are ya' talkin' about now?"

Ignoring him, she begins to wave her hands (dramatically!) as she rants. "I waited up all night with the baby, for you to come home! Where were you huh? With one of your little whores!?"

Gin sighs, wondering just how much alcohol Rangiku must have ingested before she stumbled out onto the battlefield. "Ran, yur' not makin' any sense."

"Your mother's not making any sense, you closed-eyed, smiling fuck!"

"Ran…"

"What did I say? Don't 'Ran' me Gin because I am NOT in the mood!"

She wobbles on her feet and Gin can't help but wonder if he should be worrying about alcohol poisoning. Ran glares at him, taking another swig from the sake bottle that just appeared out of fucking nowhere, and slurring quiet obscenities as she points an accusing finger his way.

"You're lucky you're a good fuck, you know that Gin."

"Ran, we never had sex."

"Not that you knew of Gin, trust me on that. Whatever. Fucking cheat on me with all those Hollows…AND Aizen! What Gin? Where his boobs bigger than mine?"

Gin runs a hand through his too-long (girly) hair, his smile turning down just slightly. "Ran, yur' drunk and off yur' rocker'"

"Don't you be telling me about being off my rocker, you're the one who runs away from his own girlfriend because his boss is a hardass! Lousy motherfucker, eating all the good men."

Gin struggles to juggle his attention between trying to understand just what the fuck Rangiku is saying and aiming Shinso at the offending bottle of sake.

"Ran, we were never in a relationship."

"Oh really now! Weren't we," She gulps down more of the sake, waving the bottle around as if she fucking knew what he had planned for it. "Is that how little WE were to you Gin, our relationship doesn't even exist anymore? Is that it?"

"Ran, we're on differen' sides of a fuckin' war! Not exactly the bes' way to star' a relationship!"

"So you wanna get back together now? Is that it? Well I ain't buying the shit your selling Gin Ichimaru! No surrey."

She crosses her arms over her sizeable chest, the picture of strength and resolution. Gin almost feels admiration for a few seconds.

"Rangiku!"

And there's her midgetly, lover-boy captain, finally pulling his (desperate as fuck) eyes away from Momo to see that his own vice-captain isn't doing so well either.

Rangiku smirks towards him and Gin, waving cheerily towards the shorter man with her free hand.

"Hey captain, lookin' good."

Hitsugaya ignores her, clutching at Hyourinmaru as he stares venomously towards Gin. Rangiku, completely oblivious to the sudden tension in the area, slumps over him, nuzzling her hair into his juvenile face. He splutters, desperately trying not to inhale the copious amounts of orange that she's just shoved into his face, while she smiles triumphantly towards Gin.

The man in question stands, only somewhat enraged by the string of events he was witnessing. Ran smirks, chugging from her precious sake bottle as a rather dim light bulb flickers to life above her head.

"Hey Gin," She calls from across the battlefield, taking another swig of sake and pushing her chest in Hitsugaya(fucking dick bitch fuck)'s arm, "You wanna fuck him?"

Both males turn towards her, staring with wide eyes.

"WHAT?"  
Gins smile almost fully disappears as he deadpans in shock at her proposition.

"C'mon, you can invite Aizen, and then Momo will totally come, no offense Hitsugaya, and we can have a right merry," she pauses, counting on her fingers, "Five-some! A right merry five-some!"

Hitsu(bitch)gaya's eyebrow twitches as he struggles to regain some composure. "Matsumoto, you're drunk."

She snorts, tipsy as shit as she takes another mouthful. "Tell me something I don't know…HEY! We can have a Six-some if you can get Kira to join Gin!"

Before Gin can even find the will to speak, Kira comes skidding around the corner.

"What's this I hear about sex with Kira?"

"Izuru!" Hitsugaya shouts, mortified.

"Yeah, that's the spirit!" Rangiku cheers, taking yet another drink of sake.

Gin's eye twitches ever so slightly as he turns towards his former vice-captain, hate filling every movement.

"Not. A. Chance. Leave."

"Oh shut up Gin!" Rangiku pounces, burying Kira in her ample bosom. "What do you say, Kira?"

"Can't. Breathe," The unwitting blonde manages to gasp.

Gin can't help but feel a bit cheated, what had Kira ever fucking done for her anyway? He was the one who saved her life. Slaved over a hot stove all day! He should be the one suffocating in that bosom!

Histugaya sighs, scuffing the dirt with his sandal in a very teenage angsty fashion and generally hating the world (like always).

* * *

Byakuya watches them from afar with some amusement. This is too good to let go. After all, this situation has been decades in the making, and Byakuya's not about to give up a golden opportunity, not for fucking Ichimaru's sake. Wondering absently if Gin even kept his old communicator from soul society, Byakuya begins to dial.

What was the ringtone Ichimaru had for him again? Ah yes, that was the one. Quite perfect for the situation actually.

His thumb presses down on the call button.

* * *

_Hey! You're a crazy bitch!_

_But you fuck so good I'm on top of it!_

_When I dream, I'm doing you all night!_

_Scratches all down my back to keep me right on!_

Everyone within hearing distance freezes and inwardly, Gin sighs. He knew he should have thrown out the old soul society communicator as soon as he had joined Aizen!

Fumbling around in pocket, he manages to pull the damnable piece of (crap) technology out. With trembling fingers, he flick it open.

Byakuya fucking Kuchiki, of course.

He holds the phone to his ear and quells the urge to start cussing into the receiver immediately.

"Byakuya! My main man! Whas' 'sup?"

The voice in the receiver is clipped and polite. The voice of someone who has lived most of their life with a ten foot pole shoved very, very, very far up their ass.

Unmistakably, it's Byakuya.

"I believe this is around the time where I am supposed to say, "in your motherfucking face biyatch (or is it biznitch?)"? At least, that's what my sources tell me."

Gin hisses into the receiver, actual honest fear bubbling up in the pit of his stomach at the look Ran is giving him, kinda like the look a wolf gives a bunny rabbit before it rips out its poor, victim of circumstance bunny intestines. He holds back the urge to whimper as he searches for any possible reason for this impromptu phone call.

Only one truly stands out in his mind.

Wondering how the fuck Byakuya could even remember these fucking things, Gin held the phone back to his ear. "S' this abou' the whole Hisana thing from way back?"

"Indeed it is. After all, revenge is a dish best served very, very cold."

"I'll get you for this."

"I realize. Good luck with Vice-Captain Matsumoto by the way."

"Fuck you Kuchiki. Fuck. You."

The other line goes dead and Gin flips the small (motherfucking piece of shite) device closed.

Ran is still giving him that evil wolf-eats-bunny look, and he can't help but be the tiniest bit terrified.

"Crazy bitch, huh?"

He shrugs, smile wavering on his face. "S' Byakuya Kuchiki."

"Oh really, and how long have you been fucking Byakuya?"

"Wha-"

He's cut off as her leg comes up right between his legs in the strongest, most well aimed kick of Rangiku Matsumoto's life.

Gin crumples, smile wiped clear of his face as he curls into the fetal position.

Rangiku steps over him with a primness unheard of in a woman of her level of intoxication. "C'mon Kira," She says, grabbing the half-dead, asphyxiated blonde and dragging him unheedingly behind her, "Let's get away from these fucking assholes." She turns away with an ice queen glare towards Gin, hair flying outward in a perfect, curly, orange, Chris Crocker hair-flip.

"Does that include me as well Matsumoto?" Hitsugaya calls from behind, prodding Gin's collapsed form with his foot.

He sighs, raising a platinum eyebrow at the erect middle finger that Rangiku ever so proudly flashes him from halfway across the battlefield.

"I'll take that as a yes." He yells after her.

* * *

This called for a B-man So Cool dance, Byakuya decided.

He couldn't remember the last time he had ever done anything so immature, except for once or twice, long, long, long, long, long ago. In his youth...and maybe once when he had managed to nearly kill the Kurosaki boy with Senbonzakura alone. (Lock his little in a sister in a closet and fill her head with slanderous lies will he? Not on Byakuya's watch! Most definently not!)

But this, this is a victory over 50 years in the making; and Byakuya can't help but feel just the slightest bit over-gratified.

It starts as a hum, but before long his arms are moving in tiny circles and he's actually, honest to God, Jesus, Ghandi, Buddha, Muhammad and Mother Teresa, singing the song.

"B-man, so cool, so cool, B-man, so cool, so cool."

* * *

From behind the thin crack in Byakuya's door, a snickering Ichigo Kurosaki flips out his camera phone. This is totally, THE BEST payback he could ask for. EVER.

And so begins the end.

**Fin**

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Sooooo...waddaya think?

I've really been getting into the GinRan fandom lately and I though I would just throw in my two(hundred) cents for the pairing.

Of course I had to eliminate all possibilities of fluff and make it harsh and cynical while still managing to squeeze in one or two kicks to the sack.

I might just be making some kind of weird series of disconnected pairing-stories that go together.

Read By The Gods and Finding Narnia if you want to understand this a little bit better and if you like the entire ByakuyaHisana or IchigoRukia pairings.


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